You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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