you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
