good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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