The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
