wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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