Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
