somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
