I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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