The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
