It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
