Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
