this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
