I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
