You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
