dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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