literally had 100 drinks last night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
