That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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