Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
