the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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