if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
