He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I would fuck him just for his dog
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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