just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
