i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
