So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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