Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
