Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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