You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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