Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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