I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
