Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
