there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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