I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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