well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
where are my eyebrows?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
