My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
