You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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