Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
