we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Watching her eat just hurts me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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