Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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