Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
