Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
