Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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