dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
