I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
