I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
