they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
