I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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