Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
