Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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