i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
