nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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